Horsing around!

Bern National Equestrian Centre is a place I pass when I cycle to the gym and the smell hits you first of the horses and then the atmosphere of people riding, which always gives me a nostalgic feeling of wanting to be back on a horse. So one day whilst cycling past I decided to stop and enquire if I could ride a horse. Firstly I had to find the person in charge and then hope that they spoke English as I think I would have to make sign language to explain this otherwise, which could be rather amusing. Once I had established Mr. Bienz (Herr Hans Bienz) not Mr. Heinz Beans as I first thought, I was half way to requesting a horse. Actually he is a very pleasant man and has a massive task of managing the stables, the events and everything to do with the Equestrian Centre, so I was very pleased he had the time and patients for me. He asked if I rode and I told him I had but a while ago, well actually last November in Spain and 9 years prior to that weeks holiday, which I omitted from saying. He arranged for me to have a horse, asked one of the girls to saddle up for me and then I lead the horse out of the stables and was ready to go. Mr. Bienz then said I was free to ride the horse around the outside arena (which was busy with rider and their buggies, in preparation for a show on the weekend, and I thought I did not want to piss them off weaving in and out of them I asked if I could use the horse jumping show ground), to which Hans said of course but don't go jumping. I thought no bloody way as I was worried about staying on the horse let alone any jumps, even striding a puddle would amount to a jump for me.

So now it was time to get on the horse and I had to remember this and with no assistance I had to show I was in charge of the horse and I knew what I was doing. Easier said that done, but I managed to mount the horse (named Dubio, or something like that). Hans said I better take a whip as he can have a mind of his own and I may need this to bring him under control. Shit!, I thought, this is just what I need, a rookie left alone with a horse with no supervision as Hans said he has some work to do and will come out and check on me in 20 minutes. 20 minutes! I thought to myself, I could have a wild horse and be thrown off into a bush somewhere, or have a mad horse running wild, taking me over the jumps for 20 minutes. Anyway off I went, trying not to show any fear, as I hear that a horse can sense fear, or maybe they can smell it as people have often sh*t themselves and the horse takes this as a sign to play up. After 1 complete circuit of the entire perimeter of the show ground, walking the horse of course, I was starting to get my confidence. Remembering some some details like keeping my heels down, not pulling the reigns too tight, squeezing the horses belly to let him know I'm still on top, slightly nudging him along with my heels and the most important thing before I started off was to ensure the saddle was re-tightened as horses have a habit of pushing their belly out when you put the saddle on and if you don't get another couple of belt clicks on each side of the saddle you are sure to slide right off. Yes a bit like in the movies!

So in my jobbers, my chaffs, my riding hat and whip I must have looked like a real professional plonker! Well it wasn't long before I had made a few circuits, each time a bit more adventurous and I even cantered around the next couple and spotted Hans shouting over to me. I thought he was saying you f**kin' idiot what are you doing sitting on the horse the wrong way around, the head the the other end, but he was actually saying I was doing well and can take the horse back when I'm ready. To tell the truth I was exhausted, it was a long 20 minutes already and I was sweating more than the horse and I was beat. My legs, my back and whole body ached, but I could not quit yet as I have not had a gallop. By the way I forgot to mention it was a dull overcast day and was slightly raining, so not too pleasant. Anyway once Hans was gone out off sight I decided this was it and John Wayne eat your heart out as I'm the new kid on the block. Getting a horse to gallop is not so easy and in the line that you think you are pointing them is also not easy. Well kicking Dubio on (not so hard as I did not want a flat out gallop), he started to move. Slowly at first but with a little persuasion he was in his stride and off we went in perfect harmony. Well a bit of a bumpy start (I think he had the wrong fuel), but soon we were on our way, racing around the show ground, sometimes going where I wanted but mostly going where Dubio decided was best and as he seemed to know the show ground better than I then who was I to tell him....

Well after about an hour I was shot, so we went back to the stables and I removed his 'tack' I think that's the word for all his gear and washed him down and he went straight to his bed, lay down and was straight off to sleep. Lucky bugger as I was more exhausted and I had to cycle home, wet and muddy. So I thanked Hans, gave him his 50 Francs (cheap I thought for all this fun) and we left it open for the next time where he would like one of the girls to accompany me and show me some technique. Well that could be extra fun and I know what these stable girls are like, or is that just in the movies also??